Which is harder: Extending forgiveness, or asking for it?
Not too long ago I did a Bible study on this topic. I often thought that forgiving was easier than asking for one's forgiveness, but now I'm not so sure.
I have been dealing with a lot of emotional pain lately, but I'm not sure the person who hurt me even knows or understands how much I'm hurting. I keep hoping he'll apologize and ask for my forgiveness, but if he doesn't know the damage he's done then how will he ever know to ask? I don't think this person would ever intentionally want to hurt me. But the reality is, I do hurt. I hurt a lot and it's not going away.
A campus minister that I respect a lot talked tonight about forgiveness. He said that God is the offended one in His relationship with humans (we constantly disobey Him and turn down His love), yet He shows up at our door and freely extends forgiveness to us. He even goes so far as to establish an EVERLASTING covenant of love with us, one that does not depend on anything we do or say.
While thinking about this I realized that God did not wait for us to come to Him and beg for His forgiveness: He came down to us and offered it freely to us. Imagine what our world would be like if every time we were hurt, instead of waiting for our offender to come to us, WE went to him or her and said "I forgive you." We'd probably be holding onto far fewer grudges if we did this!
There is such incredible freedom that comes with forgiveness, both for the offender and the person extending the forgiveness.
Paul has an incredible message about forgiveness. Here is a Message interpretation of something he wrote to the Corinthians, which I think is a powerful message about forgiveness:
OK, so forgiveness is vital. But how can I practically apply it?
The Message- 2 Cor. 2:5-11
5-8Now, regarding the one who started all this—the person in question who caused all this pain—I want you to know that I am not the one injured in this as much as, with a few exceptions, all of you. So I don't want to come down too hard. What the majority of you agreed to as punishment is punishment enough. Now is the time to forgive this man and help him back on his feet. If all you do is pour on the guilt, you could very well drown him in it. My counsel now is to pour on the love. (NIV:
you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.)
9-11The focus of my letter wasn't on punishing the offender but on getting you to take responsibility for the health of the church. So if you forgive him, I forgive him. Don't think I'm carrying around a list of personal grudges. The fact is that I'm joining in with your forgiveness, as Christ is with us, guiding us. After all, we don't want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischief—we're not oblivious to his sly ways! (My emphasis added)
Wow! Paul is saying here that if someone offends you, don't pour on the guilt, but pour on the love instead! As Christians we shouldn't hold grudges; it isn't good for our health or for the health of Christ's people, the church. The end is important, because Paul notes that, by holding grudges and not forgiving, we might unwittingly give Satan a foothold to cause more damage in our lives.
Matthew 6:12 in the Message says "Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others." It's important for us to forgive our brothers and sisters so that we can experience the full forgiveness that God has to give.
Here's another great passage in Mark:
Mark 11:22-26 (The Message)
22-25Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."
22-25Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."
OK, so forgiveness is vital. But how can I practically apply it?
I've been told in the past that sometimes I have to forgive someone before I'm able to talk about it with the person who has hurt me, get it off my shoulders so it's not weighing me down.
I have to let God know I don't like my feelings of bitterness; I need to ask Him to take them away and help me forgive. He has plenty of experience forgiving people - His expertise could probably come in handy.
And when I have decided to forgive someone, I need to not hold it against that person. I can't keep a record of wrongs; if I'm truly going to forgive and love a person, I can't hold a grudge.
Well, it sounds easy, right? Unfortunately I know that it will be a process. The pain will persist for a while, but acknowledging my forgiveness for the offender is a good place to start. Forgiveness isn't always a one-time thing, either: Jesus said in Matthew that we should forgive our brother "seventy times seven" times. I don't think he meant that there is a magic number of times we should forgive someone; what he is saying, I think, is that we need to forgive and KEEP forgiving someone until it is true in our hearts.
If God can forgive me for sending His Son to the cross, then I think I can find some strength in Him to forgive anyone who hurts me.
Psalm 130:3-5 (New International Version, ©2011)
3 If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand? 4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you. 5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
Psalm 130:3-5 (New International Version, ©2011)
3 If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand? 4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you. 5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
3 If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand? 4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
Lord, who could stand? 4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
and in his word I put my hope.
FOR REAL.
ReplyDeleteIt amazes me how much God will forgive me for all the pain I've caused Him. Yet I won't forgive the tiny little things people do to me.
I once heard forgiveness is "wishing the other person well." I think that's a pretty good way to put it. There was a girl who hurt a lot of people in my life, so I was quite happy when she was no longer a part of my life. In a way, I secretly hoped that her life would continue in such a way that her actions would catch up with her and mess up her future, kind of like Jonah hoped God would smite Nineveh. After prayer and a lot of time, I saw her again, and I was genuinely happy that she had a job, was in school, and her baby was doing well. I feel like at that point, I had forgiven her. It took a lot though. It wasn't easy.
Forgiveness isn't easy, but it is possible. If God can do it for us, we sure can do it for others.
I love you and I love reading your thoughts. Forgiveness is tough, but so healing!
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